moment of clarity

It’s been 30 days since I decided to fast from social media. I didn’t abstain as I would have liked due to my use of it for social gathers but I didn’t post daily (or even weekly) to Facebook. I unfollowed everyone on my friends list and unsubscribed to any group that I had not actively participated in.

It is a joy. I took me about a week to not look everyday to see what new info wasn’t going to show up. Took a few more days to figure out what to do with my time. I wasn’t spending my nights reading over peoples constant complaining about the life they themselves chose. “News” that was fake but they were too lazy to check before posting. Preaching about their faith they love but don’t truly follow because they can’t give up bacon. The nonstop barrage of meaningless crap people post to seem funny or pious or happy being alone or happy being in the relationship they are in.

e.g. Post #1 “Today I will not be around negative people” Post #2 “Fuck the haters” (this second one seems negative) or

Post #1 “Kicked him to the curb! I don’t need a man to be happy. The single life for me” Post #2 a week later “Found a real man. He is so perfect, we are moving in together”

Now I myself was a contributor to this. I bitched endlessly about whatever was annoying me. I thought it was cathartic. It wasn’t. It was making me angrier and angrier. I wasn’t helping myself with these I was just spouting vile. And thanks to Facebook’s “On this day” I discovered I was repeating myself!

So did I take this time to work on Nexus? Nope. I used my time to spend with family and friends. I talked on the phone, sometimes for hours. I texted people and had actual private conversations. I played games with friends. I cooked. I played Zelda. I had long conversations in the kitchen with my wife.

I enjoyed my life.

I didn’t watch what others were doing and either get angry at them or jealous of them. I just didn’t care. I focused on my own and I feel better for it.

Will I stay off of Facebook? I don’t know. I hope so. Maybe use it to share photos of my family for people who don’t get to see them as much as they’d like.

Now if you’ll excuse me. I have a newly modded Commodore 64 to play Might and Magic on.

TaTa

P.S. Next post will be Nexus game related. I have run a couple of sessions with the Cortex+ rules and am liking its new direction.

I listen to Kevin Smith’s Smodcasts when I am on the train or in my car when off to my jobjob.

The one I was listening to today was at a Star Wars convention and someone asked him about the movie he was been working on called Hit Somebody. Now when I was last listening to Smod he was all up in into this movie. Getting ready to shoot and the like. Now he was talking about still writing it. He then said something that really hit home with me. “I have a lot of spinning plates and sometimes I leave one behind and try to come back to it.”

Now people who know me know I like to light the candle at 8 or 9 ends. This has been my method of doing things for a while. I never give anything my all because I have so little left after each thing. This has led to lost money, hurt friendships, and other nonfun things (IRS, Lawyers).

As I approach 40 and realize I may actually get this game published, I have come to a crossroads. Do I keep the crazy seat of my pants life that I have lived for the past 20 years (living at home doesn’t count) or do I finally focus on something that I will put out in the world and will (hopefully) outlast me.

I hate the term grow up because the things I was supposed to leave behind in childhood to “Grow Up” have given me my friends, my job, my hobbies and even my daughter (Never would have met her mother if her uncle wasn’t a nerd). I think though there may be a time in your life when you realize you will never be able to do everything. A time when you decide to do something that gets your all instead of what you can spare.

By the end of my commute I reached my “Moment of clarity” It is time to finish what I started. The game I wrote in notebooks while playing with Mike, Mike, and Adam almost 20 years ago.

It is time I stop all the spinning plates, light a new candle and jump Into the Nexus.

Misdirected Awesome Games.

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